I haven’t been very proud of myself as a Muslim lately. I prayed recently and begged for forgiveness for all the ways I have strayed from the straight path. I won’t air all of my sins and faults, I will keep those hidden so as not to draw more attention to them. But I do believe I will change insha’allah. My heart is in the right place, I just need to tune myself back up to get in touch with Allah again. I know Allah has been with me throughout this time, I just haven’t been doing the best at recognizing Him when I see Him.
The other day my sister-in-law was asking me about Islam. She was telling me the things she does not “agree with” in the Qur’an (she was born a Muslim, but she has not surrendered to the path of Allah) and I began to explain to her some of the parts of the Qur’an that people misinterpret. I was telling her all kinds of things about the Qur’an, about how if you believe that it is truly from God, you can’t “disagree” with the things Allah has laid out in the Qur’an.
I asked her if she’d ever read the Qur’an. She said she had not. I explained to her that alot of people pull parts out of the Qur’an and that they base their judgements on one passage, or one statement. But they don’t look at the Qur’an as a whole or investigate what it really says. The majority of the Qur’an is about peace and love and love of God. It is not about killing people or glorified deaths of people who do evil things. It comes down the fact that Islam is perfect, Muslims are not. We all have faults and we all do bad things and some things people do are worse than other things people do.
I just want to get back to a place where I am praying. I know it is best for me. And when I pray, I know I am able to put things into perspective.
Recently, my dad, who is and always has been Catholic, was reminding me to “keep the faith.” To trust in God, to put my faith in Him, to trust God to carry me through this move, as I was stressing about jobs and money and all the hows and whens and details of the move. He said “you’re worrying about things that are out of your control.” Alot of times, I need that reminder. I can’t seem to pull myself out of that Worry Tornado when it hits me.
And I was grateful for that reminder.
I have been given so so so many blessings in this life here on Earth. So many blessings. And I feel Allah has given me these blessings as a test. As a test to see if I will fall back on Allah, trust in Allah, be grateful to Allah for these blessings. And pray.
I was talking to my sister-in-law’s boyfriend recently. He served in the military overseas as a sniper. He was injured badly, and at one point, he was thrown from a military vehicle when they hit one of those bombs on the side of the road. He said that as he was flying through the air, he had a flash of his entire life that passed through his mind. It was like time slowed and he saw everything. EVERYTHING go by in the flash of a second. That is how Allah describes our life in the dunya. The true life – the afterlife – is for an eternity. Forever.
We can’t afford to waste our time on the dunya (the life of this world). Our time here is so short and this life is temporary. When we die, our life on this earth will feel like it was in the time span of the blink of an eye, the snap of your fingers. That’s what this young soldier had described to me. And I know it will happen when we die. I know we will see it all and it will seem like it had barely even happened, as if it barely had any meaning at all. Only it does have meaning. Great meaning. The result of our actions and thoughts and words here on earth will determine how we spend our eternity.
They say some pray out of fear of Hell. Some pray out of a desire for Heaven. And others pray for a love of Allah. I want to be of the ones who pray for a love of Allah. Insha’allah, with the new masjid only minutes from my house, I will finally be able to practice my faith in the way that I desire. To find other Muslims who practice their faith in a positive, earnest, sincere way. To have an ummah and attend the Friday prayers. And insha’allah, pray out of my love of Allah.