I’m in the bottom of a deep, dark hole. I’m so far down that I can’t see the light shining at the top (my kids’ bright smiles, my husband’s warm hugs). I kick the walls of the hole because I’m angry and because I feel that somehow it’s my fault that I’m down here.
I can’t cope with loud noises, mornings, daily chores. The more irritable I get, the angrier I am at myself. I snap at the people closest to me and I just feel worse. I’m mad at how long this depression is lasting. I don’t remember it ever being this disruptive to my life.
The only thing I can tell myself is “don’t give up” and “this will get better.” I have to keep convincing myself of this (every day, multiple times a day) because I can’t give up and this will get better.