Symptomanic

Symptoms:

  • Euphoria  √
  • Inflated self-esteem  √
  • Poor judgment
  • Rapid speech  √
  • Racing thoughts  √
  • Aggressive behavior  √
  • Agitation or irritation  √
  • Increased physical activity
  • Risky behavior
  • Spending sprees or unwise financial choices
  • Increased drive to perform or achieve goals
  • Increased sex drive  √
  • Decreased need for sleep  √
  • Easily distracted  √
  • Careless or dangerous use of drugs or alcohol
  • Frequent absences from work or school
  • Delusions or a break from reality (psychosis)
  • Poor performance at work or school

So here’s the deal…me waking up at 3 am and thinking of all these projects I want to do – it’s not on the Typical Me wavelength.  Me rambling to people and constantly having the need/urge to talk to others (especially strangers on the sidewalk) is my warning sign.  Increased libido:  (sadly) never happens unless I’m headed toward mania.

So all of this is very uncomfortable for me.  I’m seeing my psychiatrist on Monday (thank goodness) and I’m hoping she can help me if I point to all of these instances.  I know me.  I know me more than she.  So if I just tell her, “Look, this is happening.  We need to do something about it” then I’m hoping she will hear me.

Getting only four hours of sleep per night no matter how hard I try to sleep in, it’s not good for a fellah’.

Mania is embarassing, just to let ya’ll know.  You say and do things that you wouldn’t normally do under normal circumstances, and then when you come out of it, you think back to all the things that were said and done and you feel like a jackass.

This whole “I’m-going-to-change-my-lifestyle” thing IS a real part of me.  It IS something I am yearning to do – but I have a sneaking suspicion that my enthusiasm is probably related to what I suspect is me on the verge of mania.  I just hope it’s not a full-blown manic episode, and it can be stopped in time.

And hey, don’t get me wrong.  I love mania just as much as the next guy.  But I also am all too familiar with the consequences, and they ain’t pretty.  So, again, seeing the doctor late in the day on Monday.  I’m going to have to write all this down so that I can explain to her exactly what is happening without getting lost or stuck in the moment and forget everything I was going to say during my short time with her.

This post seems like a good place to start.

P.s. I did not smoke any cigarettes yesterday.  I’m feeling I might throw in the towel today, though.  Deep breaths, deep breaths…

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