Fighting For My Happy (10 minutes later)

Oh crap.  Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.

Negative Evil Me:  I can’t do this.
Postive, Semi-Sorta-Determined Me (in a wavering voice):  Yes, I can.Negative Evil Me:  Muah-ha-ha-ha!  You fool!
Positive, Semi-Sorta-Determined Me (in a slightly more powerful voice):  You be quiet, you…you…you…Meanie!  Leave me alone!

Reasons I am quitting:
It’s pretty much a guarantee that I will die if I don’t quit (well, we’ll all die, but I addressed that in my post yesterday) and I will die with stained, yellow teeth, dried out skin, dirty fingernails, bad breath, and smelly hair.

I’d like to NOT hack and hack and hack up phelgm during my work hours, where the acoustics in my tiny, empty converted-classroom office creates a sound that reverberates through the entire school.

Notes from my Quit Journal from prior Quitting Days:

“I want to quit.  I know I can do it because I quit before and I can quit it for good.  It’s hard at first but eventually it gets easier and later on, you hardly even think of it.” – Postive, Formerly Rock- Star-Confident Me.

Today when I lifted up my coat, a lighter fell out of my p0cket.  I doubt it was some sort of sign from God, but I took it for what it was worth and threw my lighter into the garbage (I know!  Big move, right?!)  Soon after, my back-up lighter (yeah, I didn’t tell you about that one) came out when I was taking off my coat.  My cigarette box never fell out, but by then I was scared enough to get rid of all of it, seeing as my stuff has never fallen out of my jacket pockets before.

Fresh breath
Clean hands
Fresh-smelling hair that holds onto the smell of the shampoos and conditioners.
Fresh-smelling clothes
Healthy/Active lifestyle changes (run, swim, breathe)

No coughing.  No hacking.  No nasty phlegm spits.
No “morning sickness” – the feeling you get when you wake up and you just feel like you’re going to DIE…

Clean, fresh air.

Time:  5:30 am
Last cigarette:  8 pm, December 11, 2014.
Desire to smoke scale (1-10):  4

About to take a shower to get my mind off of the 1-4 feelings.  Peace out, and thanks for any and all support.


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