I remember when I was about seven I used to love riding in the car when it was raining. I would watch the raindrops fall against the window, and I would be entranced by the traces they made, as they moved along, pushed by the wind into little trails, separating and converging in whatever paths they were destined for.
When I was fourteen, at night my best friend and I used to lay on the trampoline in my backyard, staring up at the stars. We wouldn’t speak – we didn’t have to – and instead we’d just lay there, watching the stars, observing the night sky, perhaps waiting for that one falling star that would shine in the night.
I wish I had someone that could tell me what I should do. When you’re a child, all your decisions are made for you. I need someone to step in and not only give me advice, but guide me to the right answer.
I’m far from Allah. In my life right now, I don’t know who I am. I’m not taking care of myself. I’m not praying. I’m not eating right. I smoke cigarettes like someone’s going to take them away from me. I’m not me.