My wheels are spinning in the dirt. I don’t know up from down. I’m just plain stuck. I keep doing the same things over and over, things that are unhealthy, things that are not me. I do them because it’s now become a habit. I don’t know how to break this chain, this cycle that leads into itself.
I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to be out of this circle of “stuck”-iness. If I did imagine it, I would imagine cool water splashed upon my face, rinsing my arms up to the elbows, pouring water, rushing and blue through my hair and saying La illaha il Allah. I wish I would worship again.