Nervous

I’ve sat here for a week and a half trying to figure out what to write.  I’ve searched all kinds of muslimah bloggers to find out what they are writing about.  I’ve read everything from hijabi fashion and pakistani cuisine to the true meaning of jihad and favorite qur’anic recitations.  I can only write what I’m experiencing so here goes:

I’m in the midst of an interview process right now for a new position at my work.  I’m terrified that I might get it, and I’m terrified that I might lose it.  I’ve only gone through the first interview so far, and I really want the job.  But part of me is scared – will having a full-time job pull me away from my family?  Will I be able to handle the stress of being full-time and away from home for that long?

This is all very familiar.  See, I had this same position when I had a nervous breakdown.  Only this time around it’s different.  It’s even more responsibilities.  But maybe this company will be different.  Maybe it’s more organized.  Maybe Allah has a plan.

Or maybe I won’t get the position.  That could be part of his plans also.  I have to admit, I’m starting to already look forward to the benefits of the job.  Have I looked at the cons?  The fact that it’s full-time plus overtime?  The fact that I could have paid vacations again?

Turns out I didn’t get the position.  Alhumdulilla.  I really wanted it.  I guess it wasn’t in Allah’s plans for me to have it.  I still feel upset, but at the same time, I have to believe that it was for a reason.  Maybe this path is not for me.  So many times we think we know what we want, but Allah gives us tests for those he loves and maybe this was my test.  Hmmm…..

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2 responses to “Nervous

  1. Sis just a small word of advice perhaps you should try reading salatul Istikhaara before an interview. Its actually a beautiful dua and I can speak from expereince it puts you at ease regardless of the outcome.

  2. Thank you, sister for your advice. I just read through salatul istikhaara and it is very fitting for what I was experiencing and needing at that time. I will remember this for next time. Thank you.

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