We waste so much time in this life. Sometimes I watch the clock ticking away and I realize that each second that goes by is time when we could be fulfilling our duties to Allah. And if you are amongst the ones who are praying, wearing hijab, paying your zakat, and living in the path of Allah, then you are using your time in the dunya correctly. But if you are like me – not praying, not wearing hijab, not paying your zakat, then things don’t feel so good.
You see every time I do my prayers, I feel so much better. But my emaan goes down and I stop doing my prayers, and that’s when things go downhill.
You see when you’re praying, it’s not just to please Allah. It also benefits us. It’s good for my mental health. To live my life around the prayers gives me structure. The prayer itself gives me a moment of meditation, when the world disappears and I focus only on the one Creator. These moments help ground me, stabilize me, keep my feet on the floor and upright, prostrating in the direction of the Kabah, bowing down to the Most Merciful. These are the motions of the true believers.
I’m sad for myself. Sad that I have strayed from the straight path. Sad that I’m not 100% me. But I have to keep praying to Allah to straighten me. Help me stand tall and worship Him the way we are meant to worship. I love Allah, I thank Him daily for the blessings he has given me – my two beautiful sons, my wonderful husband, my loving family. Nothing in this world makes me more grateful to Allah.
Sigh. Insha’allah khair.