Can You See Anything Wrong With This Picture?

There is definitely something wrong with this picture.  I feel my entire life is completely out-of-whack, unbalanced, not sustainable.  I devote 100% of my energy into the things I do not care about deeply (work) and nothing is left over for the things I do care about deeply (Allah, family, and life).  The life of this world has wrapped me up tight in its tornado and I have to find a way to escape.

Things are going to change.  Things are going to get better.  I won’t settle for this any longer.  I wish I hadn’t let it go on for so long, but at least now I am starting on the path towards something better.  I feel sick.  Got to keep moving.


One response to “Can You See Anything Wrong With This Picture?

  1. Myhijabpinhatesme

    You sound like you need a boost. Or someone equally miserable in some other way to give you survival tips.

    I have a cold and I’m miserable, I finally got housing but am too sick to move out of my brother’s house this weekend, he’s a hoarder and I’ve been stuck here for months while trying to get an affordable (cheap) pace in a semi-decent neighborhood (aka “less gunfire than where I was”).

    My advice to you is not to try to escape. Study the winds of your tornado as they blast past you, look for the trees it’s uprooted
    –and climb them.

    I guess what I mean is that every mere escape will land you in an equally deep pile of un-desirable stuff but of a different substance.

    You and I both know we can survive these things — but living?

    Well, that means finding the good things that are mixed in with all the rest, and focusing on them so you don’t get dizzy looking at everything else that’s going by.

    I have about as much likelihood of making it to Morocco as getting to the moon. I’m trapped in this city at the mercy of government agencies peopled by workers who really don’t want anyone to achieve anything better than what they have, so every time I just about get my life back from the injury that uprooted my life, they create upheaval, red tape, paperwork that requires more paperwork, and things that keep me so busy and stressed I get sick and my joints all swell up and slip out again and I spend another 6 months in physical therapy.

    But in this whirlwind of insanity, there are things I CAN do to move forward. I can force myself to get up before Fajr and work out so I get stronger. I can find someone who speaks Darija and trade language tutoring. I can research Non-Government Organizations (NGO’s) to find one that will take me as a volunteer and pay for my TESOL Certification. I can skip the candybar, the coffee with friends (invite them to the park, instead), or the new shirt and put all that money into savings for my plane fare.

    I can pretend I don’t have that money when the car breaks down. My legs hurt, but that just means I can still feel them, they aren’t just painted on me, and, yes, I can still walk. Walking is good for me anyhow.

    Protect your dreams from the mundane.

    A worthy dream worked into reality is a beautiful prayer of thanks giving.


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