I have been feeling very unsettled lately. This comes in waves, so I’m sure it will pass, but knowing that doesn’t ever seem to alleviate it. This morning I had a dream that I delivered the baby – only to find that it wasn’t crying or anything as I held it. No one was around and I felt like there was something that needed to be done, but I didn’t know what it was. A nurse came in at that point and slapped him on the bottom and that sent him crying (and breathing).
I seem to have lost all the motivation that I originally had when Ramadan started. I don’t know what happened. They say that the shaitan and all his army are locked away from us during Ramadan, but I don’t understand how that can be true because I still feel as though he were right next to me half the time, distracting me from my prayers, keeping me from the masjid, pushing me to go to bed when I could have read Qur’an. I feel as though I am losing a battle with myself.
We are moving into our new home and so I have been busy packing and trying to organize everything. There is so much to do and the tasks seem overwhelming. Even more overwhelming is our financial situation, which is destined for doom in the coming months. We are searching desperately for a new job for my husband. I have had such a difficult time sleeping – I’m not sure whether that is because of the uncomfortableness of pregnancy or the fears whirring around in my head.
Alhumdulilla – things are just changing and I have to learn to deal with that. I still feel better when I pray, even though I have been missing them left and right, astagfirallah. Insha’allah this chaos will wind down soon enough and we can return to some kind of normalcy. For now, though, my posts may be few and far between, although I am still going to make my best effort.
Please keep me in your prayers. Alhumdulilla – tomorrow is yet another day.