Unsettled

 

I have been feeling very unsettled lately.  This comes in waves, so I’m sure it will pass, but knowing that doesn’t ever seem to alleviate it.  This morning I had a dream that I delivered the baby – only to find that it wasn’t crying or anything as I held it.  No one was around and I felt like there was something that needed to be done, but I didn’t know what it was.  A nurse came in at that point and slapped him on the bottom and that sent him crying (and breathing).

I seem to have lost all the motivation that I originally had when Ramadan started.  I don’t know what happened.  They say that the shaitan and all his army are locked away from us during Ramadan, but I don’t understand how that can be true because I still feel as though he were right next to me half the time, distracting me from my prayers, keeping me from the masjid, pushing me to go to bed when I could have read Qur’an.  I feel as though I am losing a battle with myself.

We are moving into our new home and so I have been busy packing and trying to organize everything.  There is so much to do and the tasks seem overwhelming.  Even more overwhelming is our financial situation, which is destined for doom in the coming months.  We are searching desperately for a new job for my husband.  I have had such a difficult time sleeping – I’m not sure whether that is because of the uncomfortableness of pregnancy or the fears whirring around in my head.

Alhumdulilla – things are just changing and I have to learn to deal with that.  I still feel better when I pray, even though I have been missing them left and right, astagfirallah.  Insha’allah this chaos will wind down soon enough and we can return to some kind of normalcy.  For now, though, my posts may be few and far between, although I am still going to make my best effort. 

Please keep me in your prayers.  Alhumdulilla – tomorrow is yet another day.

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4 responses to “Unsettled

  1. Honey, I’m sending you hugs. It’s normal to be exhausted and overwhelmed at this point in your pregnancy. It just happens to fall for you during a time when you feel that you should be doing the most. Dreams like you had are also completely normal – I had so many, I wouldn’t even know where to start.

    Continue with prayer in whatever form calms you, and just turn it all over to Him. You’re doing great – you’re in the home stretch now. Everything really is going to work out. I’m praying for you too.

  2. I know it sounds very cliche as every Muslim will tell you this but actualizing it is something completely different.

    Just stay strong, don’t try to do TOO much…take it one day at a time…as for shaytaan being locked up…yes…but your nafs (ego, desires, whatever have you) are still alive and kicking…it’s a good time to gauge how much they control you (or vice versa)…

    As for your husband’s job…from my (limited) anecdotal evidence…I have seen many people see their rizq (provisions/sustenance) provided for just as soon as the baby has arrived or when they were about to get engaged, or when they are about to get married, or even ALL of the above…

    So worry not as your rizq has been written…and yes I know…easier said than done…

    As Tupac said, Keep your head up…

    Hmmm…this reminds me…

  3. Asalaamu alaykum –

    I never responded to these comments, but they helped me immensely and I thank you for posting and giving me such thoughtful guidance.

    Bessieviola – thank you so much for always responding with such encouraging words. It really makes a difference to me. You always seem to find the perfect things to say to make me feel relieved and supported.

    Mr. Epsy – the link you posted really hit home with what I was feeling. I have gone back to it multiple times since first reading it. Thank you.

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